I am exhausted but in the best way possible. I mean look at my happy tired face!
I had a long day today (at least for me – I’m getting old you know haha) but an awesome one, I started my day with a casting workshop and finished it with a screening of a film I have a part in at the london Vault film festival.
I wanted to talk today about how sometimes it can feel like you are standing still but just because you feel that way it doesn’t mean its true. I battle with low self-esteem sometimes and I remember when I first started going to casting workshops, I would leave feeling dejected and a bad actor. My attitude was that I kept getting the same notes and even though I had been working on it at home, nothing seemed to change. When I say I worked on it at home, I mean I practise camera technique about 3/4 times a week and I change between prepped scripts and a cold reads. It took a while to tame my face and calm down my speed of delivery but slowly I have started to see improvements. I have had three workshops this month through Casting Workshops (www.castingworkshops.co.uk – if you are an actor looking to practise your technique in front of great CD I really recommend this company, its warm, friendly and fun) and I have noticed the difference in myself, massively. The first two were prepared sides/scenes and this mornings was more of a cold read situation (where you have a short period of time with the script). I prepared thoroughly for the first two and was really happy with my performances and I got really great positive feedback. This morning was the biggest eye opener for me though, my cold reading used to not be great, I’d feel the pressure and stress of the situation and fail to deliver to my potential but due to the practise I put in at home, I was really happy with how it went and the Casting Director was very complimentary. I guess for the longest time even though I was putting the work in I didn’t feel like I was progressing in technique and this month has shown me that I was wrong.
On the same point, I want to share about SEAT25,(www.seat25.com) a feature film that two of my friends from drama school wrote, its been over two years in the making and I was privileged enough to be a part of the cast. I filmed this late 2015 and today was its London premier at The Vault Film Festival. I went down really well and I got to see my face on the big screen (which is just terrifying by the way, no one should see their face that big haha) I put in the work over a year ago and while I have been feeling that maybe nothing much is happening in my life, the film finished production, post production and started winning lots of awards for best feature at festivals, one of which was in LA at the Raw Science TV and Film Festival and today I got to share the experience of the screening with Steve, my sister,my agent and my friends. It’s also my first IMDB credit.
I finally feel like I am making a tiny inroad to the career I want and I think the reason it can feel like nothing is happening is because at the start of anything, small things don’t feel like the are making a difference until suddenly they do and then you get to enjoy the big things. Life is made up of lots and lots of small everyday things and you get big things peppered in. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me saying ‘Look what I did, aren’t I great?’ I have a lot of things I want to achieve, more progress to make and lots more learning to do but you should always be striving for that. I’m just saying, just because it feels that way it doesn’t mean it is true. Know what you want and keep it in your mind then make some daily little things focused on that, then you will get to a point where you can say, this was worth it. I think my exhaustion is making me ramble now!
Keep going, life is self selecting – you choose what to stick too. I hope wherever you are you have had an amazing day and if that hasn’t been your truth today, know that tomorrow is a fresh start,
Be kind to others, be kind to yourselves,