Todays challenge was centered about how language is changing, focusing on abbreviations and or a return to more flowery approach to speaking. It has to be said unnecessary abbreviations vex my soul, so do putting two words together, ‘chillax’ for example makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth but when I was younger I’d say, ‘v’ instead of very and slick my hair up in a ponytail so tight it could have been mistaken for my scalp, so who the hell am I to judge? I chose to focus on a combination of the two extremes in a short play 28 Plays Later: Challenge 12 (The Conversation)
I have to tell you my not wanting to write has turned into a full-blown tantrum today. I really just wanted to do anything else, the thing I find is it consumes my day, when I’m not writing, I’m thinking or planning on writing or feeling guilty for not and it seems to prevent my brain from being able to focus on anything else. I am obviously very new to the process and I am hoping that in a couple of days it will even out. The first week was incredible but I think the amount of work I put into things can overtake my life slightly and I had the realisation that I will be working this hard for the rest of the month.
Sure, looking at it from a mindful perspective, I can tell myself, all things pass and so shall this. It is a month, that’s it and the shortest month of the year to boot but when you are in the icky middle phase, far enough from the starting line for it to have lost the honeymoon excitement but not close enough to the end for you to see the light, it can feel all-encompassing. Also as I have said many times, me and consistency and not friends, the only thing I would say I’m close to being consistent with is attempting to be consistent. I’m always trying. So I’m staring a problem area right in the face and I think that is a huge part of it to. It’s so funny because I was talking to my sister on the phone today and I said, I didn’t really think I’d struggle, not in a conceited way, I just thought it would be kinda easy and fun and it has been both of those things at times. Right now though, its laborious.
I decided to get out of the house, to have a walk in the woods today. I live near a really beautiful place called Box Hill and it is gorgeous and oe of my favourite places to walk. I went with Steve and while I was out, I felt refreshed, I hadn’t really left the house in almost a week and it was long overdue. We walked one of the trails and took in the freezing fresh air, almost slipped over on the crazy squishy mud and I almost had written on my tombstone, ‘Stupid Idiot Who Got Trampled By A Pissed Off Cow For Getting Too Close’ seriously, we walked through a section of the hill that has grazing cows and me being me, wanted to take a picture, I walked too close and one of the cows took issue with me and ran at me to warn me off their territory. It was a heffa and wanted me gone, it’s so weird because I didn’t feel scared, the only thing going through my mind was, don’t run in a straight line, it can run faster than you, don’t give it an easy target. It was all over in five seconds and I got far enough away for the cow to lose interest but the moral of the story here, is don’t be a fucking idiot and get too close to wild animals, they don’t care if you think they are beautiful, they will attack. Thankfully I am completely unharmed apart from feeling like a prize dickhead.
On a completely serious note, do not do this. It’s not worth your life and the poor animal that was probably terrified could end up being put down because of your idiotiv mistake.
Other than five tonnes of cow barreling down on me, it was a really lovely walk and did make me feel better. I still didn’t want to write though but again, I persevered. It can’t all be roses and laughter and I am sure disdain for anything is possible in a pressure cooker. What I am doing, as I have previously said is extreme and it’s not sustainable over a long period of time, so I just have to remind myself of why I’m doing this and what I will gain out of it creatively and as a person.
Its half term this week so I’m sure it will prove challenging to juggle everything, especially after the germ wars but I will persevere and keep going, maybe I can write a play about not wanting to write a play? I could call it Meta.
Be kind to others, be kind to yourself, leave wild animals in peace.