First let me apologise for my absence yesterday. As I had been saying previously, things had gotten very upsetting and difficult and honestly I couldn’t face writing a blog yesterday.
Sometimes, it can get too much for even me to understand and to write about what I’m feeling. I need to understand. I also need to listen to myself and yesterday I needed a night to just lay on the sofa with my sister and not do anything, not talk, not move, just be still. I am still in 28 Plays later, I wrote a short play yesterday, the idea was that only I should be able to understand it and honestly I still don’t know how I managed it.28 Plays Later: Challenge 14 (Jibber Jabber) I am proud to say that yesterday I need the best I could at the time and really that’s all that can be asked of anyone.
I was just drained and exhausted, my poor baba has really been upset and angry about the death of his hamster and it was taking all my energy to be in that situation especially on top of what I was personally dealing with regarding my mental health. I am starting to see the end of this particular ‘episode’ and I think it’s mostly to do with the fact little man had a day out with his aunty today. He seems better for it and I had all day to collect my thoughts, sort the house out and just rest in the quiet.
I don’t know about you, but my brain doesn’t function on the higher levels when I am with people, especially if I’m suffering from my mental health. What I mean by that is, I find it hard to understand certain things and think creativly, I just have a fog of confusion over me and everything feels very muddy. Having that alone time today, cleared the fog somewhat and I am feeling stronger. Also we got to write a play today about an issue we feel strongly about, so I had that as a catalyst for my mood also.28 Plays Later: Challenge 15 (The Shame Game)
I am still feeling very tired and drained but I have a feeling a good night sleep and I will feel even stronger tomorrow, as I said in my last blog post sometimes we must endure but with the right support system around us we do not have to do it alone.
I want to say a huge thank you to my family for supporting me in person and on the phone and a special thank you to Steve who knows me well enough to know sometimes I can’t talk about it right away, so he gives me the space he knows I need, even if all he wants to do is fix it, he knows I have to figure it out and fix it myself. Thank you.
I am hoping it will be business as usual from tomorrow, it really does take a lot for me to not share with you guys, so thank you for being patient with me.
Be kind to each other, be kind to yourself.