I’ve been really thinking about the fact that due to the nature of my random acts of kindness, I get no feedback.
I’m going to be honest, even if it makes me sound like a crappy person. I don’t like the fact I can’t see the people who I’m hopefully affecting in a positive way. I really enjoy doing the letter or picture but I feel hollow though once I’ve hidden it.
I love doing things for other people, or so I thought. I enjoy giving people genuine smiles, making things for other people and complimenting strangers (appropriately), it feels good. There it is though, I like it because seeing someone else smile because of me, makes ME feel good. So during this week, as selfish and awful as it sounds, emotionally I’m not getting any of those feel good vibes.
I think one thing is clear, I’d make a pretty shitty hero, because it turns out, ‘That is why I do it’ its a pretty sobering realisation, let me tell you!
Today I wrote a letter and went for a stroll around my local area and hid it in a secluded spot, I just couldn’t help but feel an anti-climax. I would never know who saw it, or if it made a difference. I even considered hiding for a while, just to see if anyone came and found it but then I realised how immeasurably creepy that was, so instead I left it and moved on. Having a secret by yourself is not fun and a touch lonely. Maybe that’s why Spider-Man is so angsty (also the hormones)
So for me today what came into painful, crystal view, I’m no hero.
Be kind to each other, be kind to yourselves.